Chumbly,
This is a very important letter: DO NOT THROW AWAY. I know how you like to throw letters away without reading them. This is a letter you shouldn't do that to. I found your wife rummaging through my dumpster this morning. Either she's developed a sick obsession with me or you're having your wife do your dirty work trying to scrounge up something negative about me. Either is a possibility seeing as though she IS my ex-wife.. however, if it's the latter you're underestimating my ability to cover up my wrong doings. As well as my ability to make the entire office believe that you use adult diapers. Yes.. yes.. take it in. That's why all the women have been calling you baby all day, stud. Hahaha. Let this be a message to you that I am not to be reckoned with. And yes, this letter will self destruct in your hands.
Mr. Hornbury
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