My beloved Felix,
There are many things in a woman's life that can never be revealed to a man; especially the man that woman loves. Sadly, I have left this silly notion behind me, being the ridiculous progressive woman that I am. I am going to reveal to you the things I could not answer before I dropped all the secretive measures taken to ensure I would not be publicly sullied. Firstly, yes. Yes, that was a butt plug. Secondly, several times. Several times in my teen-aged years did I enjoy frolicking through the large dead bass in the ocean produced by my toxic, noxious gases that were emitted whilst I took a midnight masturbatory swim.
Thank you for reading my deepest confessions.
Jolly gladly yours,
Telsy
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