My love,
You may be surprised getting a letter from me, especially since you distinctly told me to never write you another letter again or you would send crows to pluck my eyes out. However, I feel that this is really an important letter! I accidentally dropped a thousand dollars outside on your fire escape. Yeah, I was on your fire escape.. even though you told me if you catch me on it one more time you would send me hurling to the ground (which is only, like, five feet really..). And yes, I was trying to give you money again even though you told me that if ever I felt the need to give you money to not do it.. or you would.. oh wait, there wasn't a threat attached to that one. Well, I was just letting you know there is a thousand dollars on your fire escape. I was attacked by a herd of crows when I was up there writing you a letter about the money! Strangest thing, really... Anyway! See you Tuesday even though you told me not to come over or you would throw paint on my undoubtedly fancy dress!
Love you bunches,
Brittany
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