Jared,
Hey. There is something I need to talk to you about. I was on my way to the weekly gathering of Follow the Unicorns Club (FUC) Tuesday when I had to stop and write something down. Now I distinctly remember lending you my pen that Tuesday morning at work. Anyway, I got my pen out and began to write when I realized the entirety of the pen and my hand were covered in blue goopy ink. The whole tip had been BITTEN OFF. You're taking this club to an unwanted extreme, man. You're not a damn unicorn.
Sparkle speakily,
Mr. Twinkles
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